4 Things The Future IPhone Should Have (But Never Will)

POSTED BY Heather Johnson, UPDATED ON April 18th, 2023
4 Things The Future iPhone Should Have (But Never Will)

We already know what the new iPhone’s going to have: a bigger screen (allegedly), a faster processor (almost definitely), and a new docking connector (reputedly), not to mention NFC (purportedly) and longer battery life (allegedly). So in short then, we know nothing – not until it’s confirmed by Apple at least, which won’t happen until their eagerly-awaited press conference is held to launch the iPhone 5 on September 12th.

At present then, it’s hard to tell with any degree of certainty what’s gonna be packed into the future iPhone. What may be easier however is to work out what it won’t have. Every Apple fanboy has a secret list of features they’d like to see in the new iPhone, and here’s ours.

Some of these may seem fanciful, but that’s the beauty of writing an article on a future iPhone – you can include whatever you like, and you’re never in danger of being proved wrong. Unless the iPhone 5 proves to have actual legs, in which case we will humbly eat our words.


1. A Remember Where You Left Things App

As humans, our memory tends to let us down frequently. We might be able to remember all the words to the Fresh Prince opening theme tune, or how many jelly beans you can fit up your nose before they start to tickle the back of your eyeballs. But remembering where we left the keys we put down five minutes ago, or what happened the night of the cider downing contest with the tramp in the local park is another story altogether.

With the Remember app, you’ll never need to worry about that again: it’ll do all the thinking for you. Admittedly, a minor downside to the app would be that some things are probably best forgotten. ‘Siri – don’t tell me what I got up to last night. I don’t wanna know.’


2. A Breathalyser App

You might recognize the feeling; of nervous apprehension, as you get behind the wheel of a car after exiting a club. But it’s OK you say, you had a bag of roasted peanuts while you drank, and some guy you remember talking to said it was totally cool to drive after eating peanuts, you can’t quite remember if that was a dream though.

Well, with the breathalyzer app, you can know in seconds how this would play out if the police do pull you over. While drunk driving should be condoned, a breathalyzer app could prove to be very useful indeed, instead of having to guess whether you’re below the limit after sinking a pint of craft beer.


3. A Money Lending App

Ever gotten a taxi back before realizing you don’t have the money to pay for it? As you tumbled out the taxi door in a failed attempt to out-sprint the fifty-year-old driver, you probably didn’t stop to think:

“I wish there was a way to pay for things for one day, without the huge ‘permanently ruin your finances’ interest rate behind it. Kind of like a fiver borrowed off a friend that you know you can return in the coming days.”

The iPhone 5 would be improved immeasurably with the addition of a digital service that would let you borrow a couple of quid when you needed it most, perhaps through an app that provided a code that others could save when you owed them money. The app would allow you to borrow nothing more than a tenner, however, to avoid mountains of debt being accrued – the sort of debt that culminates in bailiffs arriving at your home to repossess your £500 iPhone.


4. Legs: Seriously – Just Think About it

Legs on an iPhone would be the next logical step in smartphone evolution. House phones that stay in one place are already a thing of the past. Sure, they serve a purpose in that you always know where they will be, but for the most part, landlines feel like outdated novelties from a time when humans had the luxury of motionless conversation.

With such phones aging about as well as a Vanilla Ice album, it’s time they were banished from the home altogether. Thanks to its tiny electronic legs, a quick whistle will see your lost iPhone sidling up to you, ready to make calls, jump through hoops and perform all the acrobatics that you could reasonably expect from a future iPhone equipped with its own set of legs. Don’t deny it – you’d definitely get one.

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